Stop Romanticizing Arranged Marriages, They’re a Product of Patriarchy

I am tired of people romanticizing arranged marriages as some kind of “wholesome tradition” or “proof that love grows over time.” factually, arranged marriages are fundamentally a product of patriarchy, designed to control women’s autonomy, choices, and futures while keeping power firmly in the hands of men and families.

Arranged marriages didn’t emerge from some deep wisdom about love and compatibility. They came from a time when women were treated as property, married off to secure alliances, maintain family honor, or ensure economic stability. And let’s not pretend this is ancient history, it’s still happening today, with families coercing, pressuring, and emotionally manipulating their children (mostly daughters) into marriages they didn’t freely choose.

The worst part? People act like it’s progressive just because modern arranged marriages now include a "get-to-know-each-other phase" or a “choice” between two or three suitors. That’s not choice. That’s controlled selection. It’s like being handed a menu in a restaurant where you didn’t even choose to dine.

And don’t even get me started on how this disproportionately affects women. The pressure to be “good wife material”, to accept whatever match their family deems fit, to prioritize marriage over education, career, or personal freedom it’s exhausting. Meanwhile, men are given more say, more leniency, and more freedom to reject. The double standard is glaring.

Yes, some arranged marriages work out, but that’s despite the system, not because of it. Forced proximity and societal pressure should not be mistaken for love. Just because someone “eventually falls in love” doesn’t mean the system is fair, it just means they adapted to their reality.

It’s time to stop sugarcoating arranged marriages as “just another way to find love.” No, they are a relic of a patriarchal past, and the sooner we stop treating them as equal to free choice marriages, the better. If marriage is supposed to be about love and partnership, then the first requirement should be actual, enthusiastic, pressure free consent ,not family approved negotiations.

Edit : can we please acknowledge that not every discussion about women’s issues needs to be interrupted with “men have it hard too”? There’s a time and place for both conversations, but constantly mixing them together doesn’t help anyone. Right now, we're talking about how patriarchy shapes arranged marriages, specifically from the perspective of women.

It’s important to understand that each conversation can focus on a different issue. It doesn’t diminish men’s struggles to acknowledge women’s struggles in a given context. .