Contact with avoidant ex fades away

I'm going thru one of the worst times in my life at this moment. And i need to vent... sorry if this is too long. In October, me and my boyfriend broke up. The reason, not clear he said his feelings for me were gone and he tried to fix it but it didn't work. I didn't know nay of this until the breakup. He said I deserve someone who can give me what i need and that he can't give me that. He said he hoped he could be a part of my life at some point if i didn't hate him after breakung up with me. I agreed on that but told him i need time. 3 days after he sent me a message asking how i was doing. After crying my eyes out dayt prior to him reaching out, i was feeling upset that he had the nerve to ask me, like how should i feel?? He sent me a message saying he loved me, but oater deleted it because he felt it was unfair of him.

Fast forward, we stayed im touch ever since we broke up, almost in a daily basis. At some point he felt overwhelmed and suggested to take some space because he didn't want to lead me on. His words, when the glass breaks, it can't be fixed, referring to our relationship. I gave him space, and a couple days later he reached out again. We started casually talking, he was flat and i was warm but he didn't reprocate.

Couple weeks later we had a phone call, after he initiated to talk after some vulnerable text messages. I told him i would do it all over again and if he's open for it to give it another shot because i hoped we could fix it, he replied with i tried to fix it. Then i said, i didn't know there was something to be fixed in the first place...

Couple days later, he said he thought about our phone call, and he mentioned we should stay friends instead of trying again. I respected his boundaries and from that moment he started to let his guard down and be warm again, giving me compliments, sending me pics and video's of memories we made. It felt good, i thought the pressure was gone and we could finally be cordial and normal towards eachother. Only gor him to retreat again days later. I felt confused, frustrated and i didn't know how this happened. So i gave him space again. He came back again days later. We continued this push-pull dynamic until we met up for the first time since our breakup. We ended up at his home where he initiated intimacy and we had sex. Days after he told me he was feeling overwhelmed, we had a deep talk and i told him he should let things flow naturally instead of fighting his feelings the whole time, and i gave him space again. It was silence for a couple days until he once again came back to me. We met up again, and we had sex again. One week later with christmas, things felt so special, warm and intimate. Everything happened so naturally and he was warm the whole time until i left to go home.

That's when the current situation started. He retreated again and started to be cold, distant and inconsistent. This time felt different, it felt like he was further away then ever. And i felt hurt, frustrated and unwanted. He rejected my NYE invitation, but probably sensed some dissapointment, so he reassured me 10 minutes after the call to tell me he didn't want me to feel bad and that we will plan something first week after NYE. Yesterday he left my question of meeting tomorrow on delivered and i sensed he was active on tinder, so out of frustration, i got back on there as well. But he noticed it and changed his bio to "looking to meet new people, anything more? Lets leave that to fate" That line hurt me in my soul. I never felt so hurt, more than the initial breakup. Especially because he told me numeroud times he wasn't ready for a relationship or dating. I deactivated my tinder profile and went blank on it. This morning i noticed he deleted his bio as well. And he dismissed my question he left on delivered for 13 hours. I suggested to go plan for tomorrow, but he also dismissed that. I replied with, "i just thought we would plan something after NYE...". At this point, that message is also left on delivered for 3 hours now.

After all, i don't know how we got to this point. I'm hurt, i question my selfworth, i question the 3 intimate moment we had in the past 3 weeks. And i question how he became like this. I cried this morning, and I'm feeling depressed. I'm 23, he's 31. This was my first relationship. I love him deeply still, and i fail to understand why i deserve this treatment? I gave him nothing but love, understanding, patience and care during our relationship and even after our breakup.

I probably missed a lot of context, forgive me. But i can write a 600 page book with everything. I tried my best to be as clear as possible.

I'm broken into a million pieces...