Help me understand how I ended up like this in the context of Buddhism.

I have several severe illnesses with the three worst being caused by doctors. That would be empty nose syndrome, trigeminal neuralgia and upper airway resistance syndrome. The first two are heavily associated with people taking their own lives and the the last leaves me so exhausted i barely have any connection to who I am under all of this pain.

Empty nose syndrome makes you feel like you are drowning or being suffocated. It steals your breath and it never lets up. It’s suffering so far beyond anything I thought humanely possible. All I can do is scream and rock back and forth most days.

This added with the extreme pain of tn and my complete inability to sleep, I can’t stand to be here anymore. I don’t want to convulse in pain and drown in my own body anymore. I’m angry because while I recognise suffering is a part of life, I am locked in a mental and physical prison that prevents me from learning or growing in any way.

I don’t know a lot about Buddhism but I find the idea of it comforting somehow - aside from the fact my mental clarity is so mired due to illness and I have no perception of breath, only drowning. These things seem important to the religion and I can’t help but feel for these reasons alone it wasn’t made for me.