I feel helpless

So I’m 18 and I’ve gotten circumcised with 6 or 7 due to phimosis. My foreskin got removed completely instead of just cutting away a little. I’ve always complained and cried as a kid because I hated the way it looks (big scar and generally messed up surgery kinda look) and that it made me „different“ I guess. My parents either laughed or just looked at me weird when I’ve addressed this. Growing older I’ve realized that I have very low sensitivity down there and don’t really feel a lot… I’m still a virgin because I couldn’t find and didn’t want a girlfriend due to severe mental health issues (not originally related to the circumcision) and the fact that I just recently got sober from substance and alcohol abuse. I just recently started wanting to get a girlfriend because I think I can now take care of her without making her feel bad cuz of the mental illness thing. The only problem is that I’m kinda scared that I won’t feel anything (or that it won’t be fun) during intercourse; or that I’ll feel less and less the older I get. I don’t know why I feel so violated and bad of the sudden when it didn’t bother me THAT much before in my live… I think feeling things like sex or a hug or whatever is extremely important for me.. especially because i had almost no control over my life before, that’s the one thing I could’ve had control over (sensitivity and feelings) but it got dulled down. I don’t know if I’m just conjuring problems or if I’m being dramatic. But I feel helpless and don’t know how to deal with those feelings, because I can’t do anything about the problem. I hope someone can understand the way I feel

(or at least not hate me in the comments for being a whiny weirdo pls)

If anyone has advice on how to overcome those feelings or if someone feels the same I’d be grateful to listen. Thank you a lot for reading