not visiting my hispanic family

So, i (23F) moved out of my parents a year ago due to them not "allowing" me to date someone 17 years older (they would take my car away and follow me to prohibit me from seeing him). I have been dating my partner for 3 years and living with him for 1. I now live 40 minutes away, which is not bad, but driving back home anytime from 3-6pm means traffic (takes me 1- 1.5 hours to get home).

To preface: My family is hispanic, so they believe family comes before anything and everything.

They get mad that I don't see them on the holidays, but they don't allow me to bring my partner. My boyfriend tells me to just spend the time with my family instead of him, but I hate choosing between my partner and my family when logistically I could do both if they respected and accepted my relationship. I don't want to third wheel my siblings with their partners. I thought to visit maybe on weekends when I don't work, but my mom is not satisfied unless i stay more than 4 hours with them (not kidding). With all the chores I do on the weekend, when I do go out weekends, it's no more than 5 hours due to wanting some time to relax in the day. However, with my mom guilt tripping me to stay 5 hours, its actually 6.5 hours of my day since I have to drive there, and sit in traffic for the drive back.

The times they drive down to visit, they tell me when they already are on their way, so I am too busy already, but they get mad that I don't free my plans up for them every now and then.

  Am I f***ed up for not wanting to see them much? I feel bad that I dont visit often, but they don't make me feel accepted and make me feel shitty for being happy at home with my partner.