Worry About the Emotional Side of Coaching

Hello!

Here is an intro: I've coached select for a couple years for some pretty high level organizations. I've always coached very actively meaning I'm constantly pausing, bringing a kid aside, instructing, resetting. In contrast, I'll give kids 15 minutes of scrimmaging or "free time" to just be a kid and burn off some energy before starting a strict practice. I've coached in front of hundreds of parents and have been applauded for my coaching style. Never had an issue.

Now I'm coaching for high school boys which is a whole other level of emotion. Kids are very close friends with other teammates, talk, roast and complain together. I can't see or hear what happens outside of practice but of course, they are more open with each other than they are with me about their troubles. One student recently complained to our captain that he wants to quit because he doesn't have enough playing time. Because of how demanding I can be on the field, I'm fearful I may be too strict during practice where it is no longer a team students want to be on. There are incentives for winning and the school stresses the importance of winning games. The JV team I coach has a very wide range of skill levels. The starting team is good enough to win several games, but about 3 of the kids sitting on bench for a majority of the game, have significantly less ball control and soccer IQ and are falling behind. From what I have experienced, when teams are 5-10 years old, you play them regardless because they will get better with time. At this age, I'm under the impression that the kids know, that if they don't have the skill, they need to work to develop the skill even outside of practice. I feel, it's an important life lesson.

During practice, I'm worried if I am balancing my tone and treating my kids with respect. I want to learn how to be direct but also motivational. I want them to get good quickly because I know as a current athlete myself, winning builds confidence. Having more knowledge and practice as a team feels very impowering and puts creativity and strategy into the hands of the team. If I'm not constantly on the kids to be on top of their practice, organize quickly, support the team, communicate, pay attention, they slack off. I have found with teenagers, if you give an inch, they will take a mile. However, I don't want to be another person/adult in their life that causes some unacknowledged insecurity or trauma. I know being stern is not disrespectful, but I have found that there can be a fine line between the two as a coach. I know students get enough pressure from their friends and family. I try to always balance my criticism and orders with encouragement, appreciation and open up room for conversation, opinions. I picked two captains so that I'm not the one always talking, and students feel they have someone within the team to go to for guidance and support that's not always their coach.

My question is, what are some methods y'all take as coaches to be stern, but balance it with admiration and compassion?

What is your philosophy as a coach? What are some struggles you've had with this kind of balance?

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