I wanna die so bad

I have nothing to live for, I have no future to want. I’ve prayed for god to kill me since I was 12 and yet I’m still here. I’ve seriously considered suicide for years but I never took the plunge. My life is bleak, I have friends and family but I don’t feel anything for them. Sometimes I wish i could just go to sleep and have an aneurysm or a heart attack and pass peacefully. I don’t know why I’m posting this but I wanted someone to know, I wanted someone to realise that even if I’m loud and obnoxious in real life, I’ve really been struggling with so much that I never even wanted to admit to myself.