My therapist told me I’m neurotic in almost every possible way.

I just want to get some human opinion on this, I’ve been going to chat gpt for most of my therapeutic questions.

So for some background : I’ve been with my male therapist for 5 years, weekly. We keep it pretty light only because I have an extremely hard time being vulnerable. I make most everything into a joke, no matter how traumatic or bothersome. I write weekly emails to my therapist- this is the only way I’ve found I can truly express myself. I write about my SA, eating disorder, OCD, bipolar etc.

This past week, we actually had to skip a week because my therapist was sick. So we had 2 emails to get through. They were filled with suicidal thoughts, talk of my father, mother, OCD cycles- The Works. I laughed through all of it because out loud it sounds ludicrous and just way too big for me to even begin to deconstruct. My therapist told me “You seem to be neurotic in almost every way possible.” I was just like Yeah… and I laughed a little bit but it kind of hurt my feelings. He said this is a very complicated case, and took a big sigh. He asked why I can write about these things and think about them so much but then dissociate in therapy. It all seemed invalidating and accusatory and I just kind of feel like shit now.