Anyone stop Entyvio and then restart? Need emotional support right now.

My last infusion was in November. So I've missed about 3 infusions.

I have since had a colonoscopy which showed mild inflammation in the last inch of my rectum, and my doc would like me to restart Entyvio. I've also had the start of some mucous and urgency which started right after the colonoscopy.

I am VERY nervous about having some type of reaction though, since I know you can potentially make antibodies when you stop.

And yes, I know I'm a complete dumbass for stopping, but I did get permission from my GI doc.

My issues were psychological. I had a nurse really screw up one of my infusions and I had a horrible reaction. I had a bad panic attack during the incident. I kept going to get infusions for another year, but my panic attacks kept getting worse and worse. Eventually I asked to stop getting them since I had been in remission for over a decade and my doc agreed temporarily as long as my next scope was good...and it wasn't.

I'm in a really emotional place right now and I've made everything worse for myself. I really should have just asked for the subcutaneous version and that probably would have stopped the panic attacks.

I think I tried to convince myself I wasn't sick after so long in remission. But I am.

My worst fear is an infusion reaction and I've just made it more possible to have one.