I can't seem to find energy for anything.

Hello everyone thank you for reading this, ı would like to start with the fact ı am only 16 and a teenager so ı am not sure if it's hormones.

For the last 2 years ı am so lonely and just sad. I have no friends, the ones ı have are not really my friends since ı am mostly left out and ı can't just stop being friends since ı mostly ask for help with classes and not having someone to talk for 9 hours a day will end me.

For my family ı don't feel that close to them since ı have 10 year difference with my middle sister who is also disabled and comes first. My older sister was always like a teacher to me always teaching me thing helping with school but never acted that close with me and will always get mad at me even if ı did a minor thing wrong which made me hate talking to her.

I also go to a therapist which fixed the visible things like my stuttering or shyness hasn't helped me with my problem which is being lost in this world. I am here as an human being but for what reason?

I am so lost ı always go 'I wanna do this' ın my head but just can't find the energy to do it. Every single time ı just don't find the reasoning or the energy to these things. My day goes the same way every day and ı wanna change that but not like ı used to, now ı wanna change my day by ending it all.

I wanna become a pilot but don't find the energy or want it, ı wanna draw but ı don't get the joy of it anymore, ı wanna watch my favorite yt and don't get the same happiness ı once had. I miss those feelings of wanting and having the joy of doing something ı like ı feel worthless and just wanna stop this emptiness.