help (trigger warning)

who do i go to if i want to kill myself? im suffering from postpartum depression and im actively reading through my life insurance to determine if my son will get the benefits or not.

i don't want to talk to my husband or my family. i bring them enough stress. i quite frankly don't want to talk to anyone. i don't even want to make this post to be honest. but i understand if i don't then i will actually go through with it.

should i talk to my doctor? i have a therapist, but i don't want to talk to her. im actually about to cancel our sessions all together.

is there some place i can go?

UPDATE - hi everyone, thank you for kindness. I spoke to my husband who insisted I communicate with my family so everyone is 100% aware of what I’m going through and can give extra support. At the moment my best friend and sister know and I will eventually tell my mom and brother. I did not call the regency room bc I was more terrified of that. So husband made me breakfast and I took a nap and I feel slightly better. I have a doctors appointment next week for my 6 week check up. I am hoping I get cleared and I can finally start doing basic things like going on walks and moving my body (a hobby that helps with my depression and anxiety significantly but I have been unable to do since I was about five months pregnant). I did not cancel therapy and will be going weekly instead of biweekly. Again thank you. I am struggling and praying that I start to feel normal again. I love my son, I just fear im ruining his life already. I see that this is common and I do appreciate you all sharing your experiences and I hope you all have a blessed weekend.