Urge to purge but scared to do

So i’ve had these intrusive thoughts for a few months now. The only thing holding me back is the fact I’m afraid I’ll choke while I puke. I’ve been bingeing a lot and gaining a lot of weight. Laxatives, fasting, even taking drugs or adhd meds to stop the hunger. I’ve tried it all but it doesn’t work. Does anybody know what to do and eat normally? I also have borderline and I’m already in therapy for that but they won’t let me do another therapy or even tests/diagnoses beside this one. Somebody knows what I can do??